Awesome bro.... and thanks :D
Sunday, October 24, 2010
So ive been going to bullet fairly regular, just to see my Sir mostly. And last week they had a pretty epic event, oil wrestling. So i was saying hi to some of the brothers, when one of the higher ups in the LALC comes in, and starts playin with my nipples. For a good hour and a half he plays with my nips, my balls and my cock. I was on fucking cloud nine. Oddest part, i never got to shoot my load till i got home...
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
This has not stopped yet, but it seems i did find an anchor chain. I have a complicated relationship with a guy who unfortuately lives far away from me, and im happy when i get a text from him. he gives me sweaty rank jocks to wear and im happy. Everything in my life is going to shit it seems, except that, so im focusing on the thing that makes me happy.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Well GLADD didnt take my advice, they kept running the adds and when highschool started i noticed something with my littles. More of the gay kids were getting beat up than last year. ALOT more. I dont know if its correlation or causation, but its very odd that the gay establishment starts a campaign and now we have 3 dead gay kids.
But there is hope my friends. There is a project that i can get behind, its not done by the gay establishment, its honest and for the first time, its hopeful. I could have used someone telling me it gets better when i was in highschool.
So go here and submit a video, leave a comment and help get the word out on this project that actually will help make a difference.
Now i want to ask something of my gay friends and fellow bloggers who are jumping to hyperbole and dramatization of these events. Gays are not second class citizens. Bullying is not a new phenomenon neither are sucides in teens or young adults. I lost friends in highschool to suicide and hell, almost commited it a few times myself. Unfortunately, all this raising awareness might seem great and even feel good. But i can tell you right now, without a shadow of a doubt more kids are going to get bullied because this raising awareness pisses off parents, the kids see pissed off parents and replicate behaviors and are beating up fags in the hallways at school. Then i get calls from DFS case workers and have to pick kids up from school.
For once, how bout gay people go to highschools and SEE what happens to gay kids. maybe then, they would know what they need. They dont need an outreach program, a fundraiser, a plea on Ellen, they need a hug. And i know there are enough angry gays out there who can give some gay highschoolers some hugs.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Well, i did get stuck. In sand, While driving down a dirt road trying to get as far from civilization as possible.And i suceedded, it took the tow company an hour to get out to me and winch me out. In that hour, i had some time to think. And i stared at the stars. And i found a bit of my sanity, a bit of my health, a bit of my happiness and a bit of my selfworth out there.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I was supposed to do laundry, and i was gonna have a trick over to plow hole, but i just didnt. The pills are making me more depressed than i was i guess. Idk... maybe its a combo of this and the fact that the guy i like and want to hang with more than anything is at folsom, and i cant go cuz my sister picked this of all weekends to come out and celebrate her graduating from grad school.
I dont know, maybe its everything. Work is sucking, life is generally not the greatest right now, but at the same time i got so much to be happy about im kicking myself for feeling like shit. I just dont know...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Mindtrip also called me on something last night, and its been burning my brain since. He said i was expecting to be given certianty while being uncertian myself. His honesty reminded me of one of the Marine Corps credos, Something Given Has No Value. Everything i had i earned. Now it seems i am expecting to be given something without any real earning process... and thats unacceptable.
A boy does not get a collar, he earns it from his sir. Thats what i must do, i cannot expect other people to give me what i am not willing to earn. If im not willing to earn it, then i do not deserve it.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I decided since my life has been shit lately i needed an escape, so i went to the Bondage County Fair....
So since i know the LA Band of Brothers (thanks Mindtrip) i get coerced into helping at these events, and since i also like to be early i do set up. However, im greener than a leaf when it comes to some of the bondage shit, and one of the brothers knows it. So he likes to introduce me to things.... This time was rope play and pain play.
So im told (not asked, because a boy does not have an opinion on these matters) that i am to be tied up. So one of the members of the LABOB starts tying me up. Its one of the most erotic things of my life. i have this massivly muscled, unbeliveably sexy man touching my body and running rope around it. Holy jesus mary and joseph. It takes him about 20 mins to get the harness roped around right. And dear god... i loved it.
So they do their whole event thing, im tied up and they introduce me as bondage boy... this is when i knew the night was taking a turn for the worse. However, i figured they will take care of me, The BOB has taken charge of me for the night and the Sir always watches after their Boys. And while that is true, apparently i forgot one little thing, telling the BOB my limit.
So they break out clothespins and are selling the rights to put 5 clothespins on or take 5 clothespins off. Now im not normally a problem with this, but i aint a pain pig. Nor do i have a west hollywood body where i look good in a jockstrap tied up. But such is life.
So they leave these on for 30 mins, till Sir Ian comes over and says that these pins are far too rough for a beginner who isnt a pain pig, and compliments me on my being a good sport about it.
Then my shift is over, my buddy comes over and tells me to bite his arm while they take off all the pins. At once. I am then untied and cannot stand. But it was fun none the less.
Mr Gerle, if your reading this. Any time you want to play with rope and me again, feel free. Same to you Sir Ian...
None the less, these guys broke me out of my funk. That added with a long conversation with my Crush/Sir confusing thing made me happy. Ill explain all that in another post.... i promise
EDIT: pics had to be pulled, got in trouble at work
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
my status has been floating back and forth between neg and poz for as long as i can remember, a leftover of my dads fun adventures with meth. But i knew at some point this day was coming, so i guess i resigned myself to it a long time ago. Mind you the only thing i changed in my behavior was stopped working out as crazy while i was working at nasa. Now i gotta get back to that to drive my natural VL back to undetectable
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
I came across an add that would end up changing my life. It was a boy whos Sir had just kicked him out for fucking without being asked first. Thats a big issue, and the boy was punished by not being able to talk to his sir anymore. He was lost, but still held what i can only describe as reverence to his Sir. My poor little 18 year old brain could not handle that. With all my hate for everyone that had done me wrong in my life it was something i could not understand. How can someone write you off and you still feel that your Sir has your best interests at heart.
So i did what i normally do when im confused by something, i reasearch into it, and got introduced to 3 words that would change my life. Honor, Duty and Commitment. It is not only ironic but very telling that those words that i was led to by somoenes complete submission to his Sir would be the guiding lights of the United States Marine Corps.
But how was i driven to those words by a BDSM relationship ending? Its an odd line, and thank God for it.
It started in my feeling awful about my body and not eating phase of my existence.I met a Sir who while not taking me as a boy, would answer my questions when i would ask them, and i was kinda a pain about it, i asked alot of questions. Through our conversations i learned alot, not about specific actions but attitudes that were to be expected of me if i were to become a boy. Submission became a small piece of the puzzle as much as pleasing my Sir would become a larger one. I began to realize that your honor, duty and commitment were all shown towards your Sir, and your actions reflected less on you and more on your Sir. If you had a strict Sir you had a strict life and if you had an easy going Sir you had an easy going life, but either way your life reflected on your Sir.
This became reinforced during my short military career. My actions did not only reflect on me, but they reflected on my squad, my platoon, my company and even my battalion and all the officers and senior enlisted in that tree. The joke is that all marines are bottoms and submissive, well it dont take much to realize why, we are trained to have our actions reflect on those above us.
Honor: Displaying honor is by acting honorably towards your Sir and any others you are instructed to.
Duty: You have a duty to pay respect and even reverence if thats what your Sir asks of you
Commitment: You must be commited to serving your Sir well.
These ideas form the basis of my understanding of the Sir/boy relationship dynamic. It is with this knowledge i can say i am interested in possibly having a Sir/boy relationship. That again is dependent on me finding a Sir i can be compatable with. Thats the rub, and thats the next step on this journey.
Also, skippy has a massive crush on someone
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Here's the deal. I made plans to hang with a guy who was crashing with flyboys roommate. I said i was gonna stop by my place and shower and grab some grub then I'd head over. As I got out of the shower I for a a package is been waiting on, a part for the bike im rebuilding. So I went over to my buddies place to put it on. I textedbhim sayin i had to rain check to do this, and he got pissy and said he prefers honesty and I was playing games. I called bullshit. He went silent. After I was done I scrubbed myself with Orange goup and went to my dads.
So when the fuck did I play games in this? I'm thinking this mouth be a donut hole situation, since Im in the middle I can only see the situation not everything else.
But there is another thing I've been told recently. That I'm too vague. I'm wondering now if the politically correct atmosphere of NASA has made me the kind clerson I hate. ironically I've also been gettin told I'm too blunt for my own good. I'm just voting to go back to being an asshole. Things are easier that way.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
College started monday Aug 23rd, and since then ive had sex with 4 different people. There may be 2 reasons for this. 1 my doctor was amazed at my muscle growth in my shoulders and how it has re-built my shoulder. He wants to see if he can accellerate it and see if i do well so he gave me a low dose of sterioids (yes Mindtrip im cheating, fuck off). Im also taking a Testerone suppliment becuase ...quantum. The end result, i need to fuck and get fucked all the fucking time. Im hardly ever without a damn hardon. So here is the recounting of the past few days fuckings.
Tuesday Aug 24th,
Location: AVC Bathroom
Parner: Random dude
Apparently no one has checked the bathrooms in the Liberal Arts building in a while, cuz if your in the male one there is a SMALL gloryhole between the 2 stalls. I had to piss, and the urinals were not in working order, so i pissed in the stall. While i was in there i heard the guy in the stall next to me talk under his breath about my cock. Being the loudmouthed asshole i am i asked what kinda fag tries to see thru walls to see a cock, and then he said 'i can see you', which made me laugh. After the class id had, i needed a good laugh. He unlocked his stall, i went in. He blew me, got me wet, then had me sit on the toilet then rode my cock. took me about 5 mins to cum, and i unloaded raw in his ass. He came on the floor.
Wednesday Aug 25th
Partner: old man
So i went over to old mans shop, hed been wanting to fuck me for a while and i was horny enough to let him. It was unceremonious. He took my pants off, shoved me on the couch. Used a little bit of spit, shoved in and fucked till he came. That was it. Never felt good, but felt good to be used.
Friday Aug 28th
AV Fair Bathroom
OK so this one is a little fuzzy, it COULD be 2 people but im unsure.
So at the fair i was working on friday with the livestock auction. Out behind the show barn there was a trailer for us cowpokes to chill. There was a room in the back that had a couch, and i decided id take a nap there instead of drivin across town to be back in 3 hours for 2nd shift. I knocked out, and woke up to someone blowing me, im not sure who it was, it was dark and im fairly certian they had a blindfold on me. But since i was getting my dick sucked its not like i care. Horray random blowjobs!. I came, he came on my boots, i fell back asleep. I woke up about an hour later to my phone telling me it was back to work time. And the nice guy put my stuff all back in my pants for me. what a guy.
Monday Aug 30th
So a buddy is down from seattle doing some work on one of the many fucking planes thats out here for testing. We met up, drove around and talked for a while, drank some beer. Guy was fuckin awesome, kinda gingerish and we hung out good. We started drinkin some beer, then he started to molest me, then we went into the truck cuz out of fucking nowehere it got cold. then we started to make out, then get naked, then he pulled my cock out and devoured it. After about 5 mins he got up, and i did the same to him. Before i went down on him tho he said 'dude you know im poz right'. My response, i just went down on him. Fuck it, a buddy is a buddy, and a blowjob is pretty safe. He came in roughly 5 mins, didnt swallow tho. mostly cuz of logistics, i was not on his cock at the time and having sex in my truck requires a certian amount of... agility.
So thats where ive been, besides going on my anti-target boycott. Speaking of target boycott, on sunday i went to target in Glendale, cuz its 3 fucking stories, and got me an epic hat. Still no John Deere hat tho, so im keepin my eyes peeled.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
1. The current state senator representing one of the districts in targets home state of MM is up for re election.
2. This same senator has been called the least business friendly senator in the state and by others the worst state senator in the country.
3. Target, a business, would prefer business friendly senators in their home state.
4. A highly partisan 'journalist' who was fired for leaving glaring errors in a story she wrote about a democrat catches wind of this.
5. She gets a friend to videotape her at a Target store returning a ton of items because of the business friendly canadates anti- gay marriage stance.
6. Media matters picks it up and runs with it, allowing the mostly liberal gay party to overreact as is their way.
7. MoveOn picks it up and creates a donation drive to 'help.organize the boyott'. Raises a ton of money.
8. Gays who bought into this bullshit repost and moveon/media matters keep raking in money;the gay party regains its standing that they are all that stands between gay freedom and shira law type executions for gays.
It makes me sad...
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Note: this was the first post I have written on my new phone, bear with me while I learn this thing
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Had dirrty dirty mansex in the bathroom of the SD eagle with Mindtrip, fucked him after mindtrip had already creamed him but didnt get to cum cuz of the crowd forming and the fact i had work the next morning. Jail would have complicated things
Met Dan of Matt and Dan fame, sucked his big uncut cock and he swallowed my load. Unintentionally stole his phone, got to watch him and Mindtrip play with eachothers cocks in my driveway till i told them if they get caught, me, my roomates, and them ALL become registered sex offenders. Gotta love CA!
And today at work i walked in on 2 guys sucking cock in the bathroom. Offically meaning im not the biggest slut ever.
I know yall want more details, and i want to give them to you, but heres the deal. My term employment is up in 2 weeks. If you all can wait and ask questions i can provide all the details i can remember. But the way work is going my brain is going to continue to be the consistancy of jello... so be patient my little monsters i will be back soon
Friday, July 16, 2010
"its hotter than hell right now"
"Actually i think we are about even"
"at least we have icewater"
"i dont know man, hell might be a little better. We could watch all that crazy torture shit"
Odd what straight men talk about when its hot as hell.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sunday was NOT my finest hour. I got too drunk too fast, and felt pretty crappy since (physically). Im not really that trashy normally. I promise. OK so i am that trashy but im normally not painting the sidewalk with chicken mcnuggets.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Please stop barebacking. Please you are 21, sex is nothing. you are trying to fill a void in your heart with sex. You will regret seeking out sex acts that only lead to death. You will find yourself dieing alone with no true relationships. because everyone will only have shallow knowledge of you. Please stop now.To explain why this comment is retarded i must first tell you a fun story about this morning. People from the Compound (a large overtly brainwashing baptist church/baptist college in Lancaster) were trying to save my soul like the creature who posted the above comment. My mom had just headed out as well as my bud and i was home alone shining my boots. They knocked at the door and i decided that instead of getting rid of them id talk to them and actually get the churchs opinion on things. I asked her about tattoos and she said they were like getting graffiti on the temple, that it cheapened the vesel. I asked about the view of tattoos as grafiti or murals. This went on for about 20 minutes untill i hit the brick wall.
Save your self its never to late even if you are POZ
Im a fairly open minded person, I dont care that you beleive in your religion, you have the right to express it and the right to attempt to influence the decisions of others. You also have the right to leave the religion if you dislike it (one of the reasons i hate Scientology to the degree i do). But some people are just too stupid. This woman could not do abstract thought or see life for the shades of grey it is. She was more upset at my tattoos than the devil clock on the wall.
I also am not a moral relativist. All things must be judged on even footing, however that footing is not black and white. Which leads me to this comment. This moral Asshat does not see the shades of grey in what is going on. I may be seeking out hookups, but clearly he does not see that i dont hook up that much. IN fact i rarely have penetrative sex. 90% of my sex comes from play, such as tying people up, clip play, CBT and other forms of torture. Fucking, sucking while it feels good, is the lesser part of the hookup. Maybe thats why women like me, im more about the foreplay than the main event. But when i do choose to fuck or get fucked, suck or get sucked i do it not out of sheer horniness (ok it does happen alot) but out of people id be cool to chill with. Even if its a shallow knowledge of people id prefer to know the person and have something in common. Ive already had enough anonymous sex in my life, its time for me to have sex on my terms with people of my choosing and to say that you can know my intentions or influence my actions by saying that retarded selfrichous bullshit that you just wrote makes me sad as fuck for the life you must lead. My life right now is better than it has been in a long time, barebacking is less than 1% of my life, and to judge 99% by the 1% is a cold way to judge.
Have fun being a shitbag.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Is there anyone one of your friends you'd want to see 'switch teams" like a gay friend get with a girl, or a straight friend getting with a guy? Which would you want to see more and what would you want them to do?
I would love to see some of my gay buds become KID+. Only because it would force them to grow up. But in a purely sexual way, id love to see hollis and Mindtrip get together. Id also pay for Zak Spears to marry my mother and by my dirty dirty stepdad so we could have sudo-incest every day.
Friday, July 9, 2010
So heres the fun part. So i finally get in to get my xray done, by this real cute air force guy. We go into the Xray room and he has me take my shirt off. I ask if i gotta take out my nip piercings and he says na, they are ok. So while hes setting me up were talking about his piercings, he had both nips done and another he wouldn't mention. So he has me stand in front of the Xray and takes the first one. He comes out, swaps the film and we keep talking. sports, girls, PT. He makes me stand with my arms over my head, it was 109 outside so i was kinda rank. He paused a bit when he touched my armpit, he got some of my sweat on his hand. As he walked away i could see him smell his hand and play with his dick a bit.
FUCKING HOOK LINE AND SINKER.
Xray taken and he comes back, i got a smirk and half a stiffie. arms are still over my head, i dont care how bad my shoulder hurts its all good if i know my stink can get a flyboy into jelly. He comes over, says i can put my arms down and i said 'but ya like em better up.' He got the cutest face, shock, disappointment and horniness all at the same time. It took a second for the shock to wear off before he looked at me, looked at my pit, looked back at me. I started to put my arms down when he grabbed my left arm and buried his face in my pit. I started undoing his blouse as he kept eating my pit. The only time hes face left my body is when i pulled off his shirt to chow down on his pits and nips. Almost simultaneously we started to drop each others pants and play with the others dripping steel cock. Thats when i found his missing 3rd piercing, a cock piercing at the base, good start for a Jacobs ladder.
Both of us buck nekked in a Military medical facility playing with eachothers hard dicks. DADT BE DAMNED. I dropped to my knees first and sucked his dick like his cum was going to cure cancer or aids or something. And his cock, god damned. Great cornfed boy with a big beefy dick. Head ridge not too extreme, perfect for sucking. Perfect curve to get into my throat. He didnt take too long before he was shooting his flyboy jizz into my birthday boy stomach. He thought about returning the favor till his MS pounded on the door asking about lunch. Him already shot his load he was quick to get me out of there and never see my face again.
Wether or not i see this boy again i dont much care, i just want him to know he was one of the bright spots on my birthday. The rest of the day sucked pretty hardcore, but sucking flyboy cock in the middle of a med facility is something so sureal that it changed the days outlook.
Addendum: Saw him at the club (base restaurant) today. Apparently i was wrong in my previous assessment, said hey to me and everyone from my shop and introduced me to his flyboy buds. Apparently (according to his cover story) we met at Parris Island when my shoulder tore out. Gotta love those med boys, they get passed around the branches more than hotpigg at a circuit party.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Ive been shot, stabbed, had my shoulder ripped out, tore muscles, and had both nipples pierced yet mouth pain is by far the worst. Not because its the most painfull, but because its dabilitating. I cant even drink water without it hurting.
So heres the deal. my wisdom teeth need to come out. So thats whats happening next week instead of me getting drunk. Which is depressing as fuck.
BTW i turn 21 on tuesday and missing teeth or not im going to faultline on saturday (7/10) and Bullet that night (assuming i get paid and how much is left after this facial surgery).
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
This time however, i went and got drunk. TOTALLY DIFFERENT EXPEREINCE.
So heres a quick rundown of what happened.
- fell asleep during the parade under a big tree by the metro facility on santa monica.
- walked around the festival, got a shirt saying 'it aint easy being easy'
- found the cigar section
- met up with mindtrip
- walked around with mindtrip, started playing slug drag queen (see a drag queen you get to punch someone).
- took pics with hot pornstars
- laughed at little twink pornstar
- started smoking and got lloyd to smoke a gar
- red (the guy who runs redchewie boot black) got me naked
- got free tank from oxballs, he said i looked like a dirty hooker so i should be pimping his shit
- continued smoking
- met up with bob and his boy, watched mindtrip eat butt
- had a hero of mine eat my hole
- then shove me on his boys cock
- then shove me on his cock when mindtrip started eating my butt
- then sucked dick next to mindtrip
- watched mindtrip drink a load
- proved im not the pig he is
- continued smoking gars
- met up with a buddy of mine, talked for a while
- had more people eat my butt
- sucked more dick
- raped a pups mouth
- pissed in pups mouth
- lit another gar
- pimped some of oxballs stuff for him (his silicone sounds are pretty fuckin hot)
- started getting cold
- fucked another pups face for a bit
- sucked a guy through his kilt
- watched alot of dirty dirty mansex
- started to pass out
- walked to find my group
- timetraveled from universal city to sand canyon, then to my house.
Let me know if you want more in-depth stories. Such was what it was like to have 2 titleholders eating and fingering my lil hole. And have one of them tell me that im about to squeeze off his finger.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Anyway. I voted today in the CA Primary so horray for doing my civic duty in letting my opinion be heard.
Anyway, i know why your all here, its not to watch non-sensical videos or hear about my voting habbits, you all wanna hear about my bonfire, drunken escapades and the train run on me at flyboys house right? Thats what i thought.
So saturday night we plan to have a kegger over at my buddies place. It was fun, i got shitfaced. and we all decided that skinny dipping in his pool was going to be a good idea. it was at this point i started to feel a lil dizzy. next thing i remember im in the bedroom and flyboy is deep in my guts. His 2 remaining military buds are jackin it to either side. Feels fuckin nice, and i can feel hes gettin close. He lets loose a huge load in my guts, and i can feel it burnin away at all the tears inside. He pulls out unceremoniously and one of his buds shoves in to the hilt. Id like to say i took it like a champ, but i screamed like a bitch as he fucked my hole. he could longdick faster than anyone whos ever taken a ride at my hole, and added his nut to the collection fairly quickly. Flyboys other buddy dove in before the other guy was all the way out (double fuck and me not a quiet proposition). they decide to both push in untill the first buddy looses his hardon then second one goes into overdrive. He dumps his nut deep in my guts.
Apparently, flyboy has had this in the works for a while. felt good, went home with 3 loads in my guts and a sore ass. I can think of worse ways to end a week.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Okay, since you are bisexual, you must have had some hot 3 ways, and you can share that are really fucking hot? Ever make it with a dude in front of a chick?
a while back i wrote about fucking and breeding a marine and his wife. But needless to say YES i have engaged in a few 3 ways in my time.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Now i think its awsome a guy in a wheelchair won. More fucking power to him. What bothers me is that the winner is trans. IML is Internation MR LEATHER not International WTF LEATHER. I started hitting leather bars when i was in highschool (my mom got me a fake id cuz... we were a CPS officers wet dream). When i would go i felt like i was around MEN. something has happened in the last 5 years, either its the colapse of west hollywoods club scene so the queens go to the leather bars, Polarization in the gay community and the queens are taking over everything now, or the leather community is loosing its veneer of masculinity. Theres a 4th option that is the most likely though, my standards of masculinity are changing.
I remember when the leather community CELEBRATED masculinity, when the most masculine guy would win an event. When being strong morally was a good thing. I remember these things. I dont know what has happened but i feel something has been lost in the community. This victory is going a step to help me realize what it was, that masculinity is a short commodity, and that its being lost all the time.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Ive been to pride before, and i never feel very prideful. What do i have to be proud of simply for being gay? What have i achieved by being gay other than notches in my belt?
I have pride in being an american, because i still think as americans we are the last line of freedom in this world. Is that way gay pride is supposed to be about, being proud that you use your freedom? If so, i dont understand how men in drag and a giant penis costume should make me feel proud.
Gay pride is a relic. Much like a corded telephone, its a means to an end of a past era. Its a remnant of the gay solidarity movement of the 70's and 80's. but its been 20-30 years since gay solidarity morphed into the Group-think apparatchik i call the gay party.
What as a gay man do i have to be proud of?
Gays can do hair?
The gay solidarity movement of the 70's and early 80's is a group i can look to with respect. These were gay guys who were willing to walk around with steel poles and fight quite violently for their rights to be who they are, and THAT i can be proud of. But im not of that generation. I can have admiration for them, just like i have admiration for the USMC Generals of the previous wars, but i cannot be proud of accomplishments i have not made.
What as a gay man do i have to be proud of?
What has the gay solidarity movement become? A group of men in leather carying steel pipes to bash in the heads of cops who would arrest them to the GLSEN bitching about using the term gay as stupid? REALLY? This is what the Gay Party is giving me and my generation to be proud of. Whining about slang. In highschool i had the word FAG carved into my locker in the locker room. Did i go bitch and complain to anyone? HELL NO. I broke the motherfuckers rib and got suspended for a week. But no one EVER thought of fucking with me again.
I guess as a gay man i can be proud i stood up for myself. But instead of being proud as a gay man, i choose to be proud as a MAN.
I ask you, people who are tired of being hyphenated americans to stand up and say I AM MAN FIRST, GAY/BISEXUAL/WHITE/BLACK/MEXICAN/QUEER/WHATEVER SECOND. I do not identify with those who claim to fight on my behalf. I dont live in that world. Gay marriage isnt going to help me put food on my table, find a job or do any of that. And quite honestly, im not the type that would ever marry. If i did get that far in a relationship with a dude and decided that him and no others ever then thats between me and him. We can figure out legal ways around the system, and there are many. Power of attorney, making them legal dependents. Whatever we have to do we can figure something out to make it work.
That makes a man, the ability to judge someone based on who they are not what they are. Judge a man by what he does not who he does.
The men and women of the age of stonewall have my upmost respect and deepest gratitude. Unfortunately you left the ship in the hands of morons, hopefully a course correction can be done soon before the ship sinks up its own indignant asshole
Based on what i know about the majority of people who come to my site.... NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO JUDGE ME. Im going to pick on 2 people, because i know they can take it, im gonna pick on Mindtrip and Mark from IBI.
Mindtrip is a Poz top, who frequently fucks bottoms who may or may not be neg inadverntely sharing HIV among the people he fucks. And im the mean person becuase i like to fuck with people?
Mark is a untested guy who used to destroy condoms to get his seed in other people, and IM THE MEAN PERSON?
I dont pass judgement on these guys becuase 1. they are cool as hell and 2. its not my place to judge them.
I enjoy fucking with people who are nice because they are stupid. They are too stupid to make witty comebacks, to socially inept to understand sarcasm and outside thinking. They are products of our educational system and they fail every time. Thats whats fun. IF im truly an asshole for these things then these other men must go down with me. Agree with me or disgaree with me as you see fit, at least be consistent with your rage.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Slang .a.an object of derision, scorn, manipulation, or the like: He was an easy mark for criticism.
b.the intended victim of a swindler, hustler, or the like: The cardsharps picked their marks from among the tourists on the cruise ship.
Why are nice guys marks? Or more importantly, why are nice guys EASY marks.
I know this will get me called an asshole, a jailworthy dick or the like, but i dont care. Why are nice guys easy marks?
I was trolling A4A looking not to fuck, but to fuck with people. And ive just found nice guys are so easy to fuck with. Sarcasm is lost on them. Context is a word they never learned in highschool or in getting their liberal arts degree. they make it so easy to fuck with them, i cant not. Its my civic duty to remind these people they are wastes of flesh and questioning my belief if humanity is truly sentient or not.
This is also true in real life. One of my pastimes is going into the liberal arts building at my college and talking to the philosophy majors (who the fuck majors in philosophy and how do you support yourself in the real world with a degree in philosophy?). Now i am a student of Ayn Rands objectivism which holds:
that reality exists independent of consciousness; that individual persons are in direct contact with reality through sensory perception; that human beings can gain objective knowledge from perception through the process of concept formation and inductive and deductive logic; that the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness or rational self-interest; that the only social system consistent with this morality is full respect for individual rights, embodied in pure laissez faire capitalism; and that the role of art in human life is to transform man's widest metaphysical ideas, by selective reproduction of reality, into a physical form—a work of art—that he can comprehend and to which he can respond emotionally.In essensce i think man is smart enough to make a rational decision about himself and that you can judge a man by his actions. SO i love fucking with philosophy majors, I throw in some sarte to throw them off on a line of questioning and i always walk away with my faith in the rationality of people shaken yet highly entertained.
Monday, May 24, 2010
So im sure its a valiant attempt to change speech and all. And im sure some thin skinned queens get their panties in a twist about this shit. But seriously, fucking grow a pair. This is retarded.
Even the gay people i know say thats so gay to decribe shitty things. Its part of the vernacular of the country. Its called growing a thick skin and getting over it. I was a minority at my highschool, i was picked on becuase i was white and becuase i sucked dick. Did i go crying to the ACLU or the GLSEN or the GSA? NO. I learned to fight back, and i broke a fuckers rib and another guys nose. I dont know why this is so hard for kids to do now. Has society been so de-balled throwing a punch do defend yourself is now wrong. Have we so sterilized our environment that kids and adults have this thin of a skin.
Let me know, because i am still of the school that if you dont like something you stand up for yourself and change things slowly instead of an add campaign that makes gay people look like catty fucktards. Altho that may be the image GLSEN are trying to promote with all their public campaigns in which case they are super effective.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I had a job interview thursday, so i decided instead of trying to drive down to downtown LA early thursday morning, id take the train down to LA Wednesday and hang out with Mindtrip then do the interview and take the train back up to hell.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
On January 3rd 2010 i enrolled into the Delayed Entry Program (DEP) for the United States Marine Corps, with a ship-out date of August 20th.
Part of being in DEP is doing group PT to 'get you ready for boot camp'. What its really for is getting your fat ass to pass the IST. Over the next few months i was a machine. I worked out, i ran, i did pull ups, i ate healthy. I also started to gain some disipline. However sometimes i had to work late and would miss PT. My favorite was when i finally was allowed to lead PT. We did hard workouts and went home sore as balls. For the first time in my life i really felt like i belonged. I loved every second of it. The people were awsome. Even the people i hated and got me in trouble were cool as hell.
It just kept going, week after week, month after month, pool function after pool function. In july, my buddies from highschool decided an ireland trip was needed, and so they paid for my airfare and my hotel, and paid for some food and drinks. It was an amazing trip, i have never felt so fat in my life and never realized drinking with breakfast was normal. When i got back from Ireland, i found out i was getting laid off from work, which was fine as i was leaving soon anyway. I packed up all my stuff in my truck and drove from Miami to Durham to drop it all off with my sister. Then i came back to Miami and shipped to bootcamp.
August 20th i formally enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. I shipped to MCRD Parris Island that day.
It was the single scariest moment of my life. Standing on yellow footprints outside the massive (looking) brick building. Amazed at what i was doing, and how my life was going to change. The next 72 hours were a blur. We were kept from sleeping to adjust our sleep clocks in line with what the USMC wanted of us. We cleaned our squad bay. made our racks and i remember the first shower i had in 3 days, granted was only 4 minutes long but it was the most glorious 4 minutes of my life. Processing week is what processing week is, bullshit paperwork followed by more bullshit paperwork followed by more bullshit tests. The friday after i got on the island forming started. We met our drill instructors and thats when fear set in. I have to say for a Drill Instructor team, mine was not that bad. Our senior was awesome, our 2 'kill hats' were the devil and our actual instructor was fairly patient compared to others.
I was recruit 33. My rifle number was 19211014. My lock combination was 22-32-10.
In training week 1 i was Second Squad leader. That same week I lost a recruit to dehydration on the PT field. His heart boiled while he ran. His final core temp was 115ish. That afternoon the whole platoon drank 4 canteens or until we puked. We were then given a gatorade to have on our footlockers for the night to replenish the salts we needed. I had firewatch that night.
1 week into recruit training in the USMC and already i allowed one of my men to die under my watch. It was heartbreaking to me. I questioned time and time again during my 2 hours of firewatch (i was being punished and rightly so) what my future in the USMC would be. Did i even deserve to wear the uniform. My constitution was shaken and i dont think it ever recovered.
The next week was me always on the quarterdeck and sandpit. Again, deservedly. During morning cleanup i made the entire squad drink at least 1 canteen. Any time i was allowed to do something with my squad they were drinking a canteen. I think my squad was the only squad to drink the 7-10 canteens they needed.
The friday following we had PT. It was hard, but i was with senior as he liked working with second squad (he also did not trust me to make sure my squad was drinking water). We were doing the Gunnies Cycle and we got to burpie pullups. My body was killing me from the quarter deck and the sandpit. I went to do them trying to be big and bad and it happened. I jupmped up to grab the bar, my right arm caught it, my left arm didnt and my shoulder pulled out. I fell off the bar and screamed fuck. Then i tried to get the guy next to me to pop my shoulder back in place. He couldnt do it. By then senior had seen and came over and i knew my career with the USMC was over. Done. And i was right. I was done.
I was in Branch Medical in 10 minutes. My shoulder was reset and i had a medboard the very same day.
I entered RSP that monday. I was gone by the following tuesday.
I spent 1 full month in the United States Marine Corps. I learned alot of things while i was there. But im not sure if it was good for me in the long run. I know i miss it and if i ever had another chance, i would most likely join again.
I feel that i failed everyone at the same time. My mother has had to let me back into her house. My father and mother have to support me and now i cant even find a job to earn my keep.
I have no real idea how to deal with this. Its been 8 months, but still dont know how to feel about all this. I ignore it most of the time to get through daily life, but i miss it so bad. I miss the structure, i miss the not worrying about bills and food. I miss the life. Most of all i miss my buddies. They have all gone on to job training, to deployments and they tell me i was lucky. But all i want is to be where they are, doing what they are doing fighting for me and my way of life, but instead im here doing nothing while they fight and die.
i feel worthless. Discarded. Used.
And the worst part is, this time i did it to myself.
Thats how i feel right now. Like im an imposter in this body. The skippy i know is sucessfull, works, and fucks a ton. This imposter in my body is barely scraping by, is exhausted all the time and has almost no sex life despite being horny as fuck.
Who the hell stole the Skippy i was?
Did the USMC break me down this much, then never re-build me so i am leaving as broken goods?
Has the shitty economy so drained my hope for the future i have reached 'fuck it' status?
Or am i finally facing real and true depression, without reason or justification?
I am unsure. I joked this week about teenage girls who write 'livejournal, sometimes i think your the only one who gets me'. Now i am no where near that level. But i feel like i dont know who i am anymore. Im shy, im scared, im unsure. I am all the things i hate in others. And the worst part, i dont remember how to be strong.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Its question time. What makes a man masculine.
Or more importantly. What makes this guy less masculine than say this guy:
Sunday, May 9, 2010
IT was a night that every good country boy would be proud of.
And no i did not drive drunk, stayed until about 7am till i was good to drive, then came straight home and passed the fuck out. I may be a dumb country boy but i aint that dumb.
In other news.... might have a hookup next week after class so ill let yall know how that pans out. Also got approved for amazon associates so help skippy buy books for school by buying books for fun!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
everything with me comes down to personality (part of why get laid so fucking often). If a man looks like Zak Spears but talks like jack from will and grace... i loose my hardon. Same thing with chicks, they could have the most rockin bod ever but if they talk like zak spears im done. I like my men to be men and my women to be women. however i hate gossip and bitches that make catty fucking remarks.
But since im sure this question was about physically in guys i like them to be fairly built. I, unlike many, actually like a bit of a fratboy beer gut (aka not a chissled 6 pack) as long as the rest of them is good. Also the beer gut shows a bit of a propensity for not acting like a catty bitch.
In women its all about the T and A. A chick with nice tits and a decent ass who aint a bitch and who can eat a double double, i will put a ring on it faster than you can say STOP DESTROYING MUSIC BEYONCE.
For me actual fucking is a minor part of a hookup, i like hanging out for a bit, foreplay, fucking, then hanging then leaving. Which is why i dont do the random hook up scene very much. If i know what im getting into is a random quickie fuck i obviously work that system, but i prefer to meet people i will chill with.
Friday, May 7, 2010
HAHA, so i found out this paper i wrote for my art class... apparently not a big deal cuz I FUCKING ACED IT. So since my sex life has been nill lateley due to work (fuck yes i got a job!) and School (fuck yes i have a 3.5 GPA!) i thought this update would be giving you this paper i aced.
Also, this weekend is celebratory... might hang with flyboy again :D
Quick note, this paper was written in about 1 hour before class. IT was a comparitive essay so we had to find a yardstick and compare and contrast 2 works of art. Both of these works can be seen at LACMA (Los Angeles County Musuem of Art). I am actually wondering what people think of it, i think she just gave me an A cuz she was tired of reading papers.
The Unchanging Standards of Masculinity In Art
Masculinity, and its counterpoint femininity, is one of the few things in society that has not changed in the thousands of years of society. Society has changed, it has changed the rules and dictated importance away from men being more masculine, but that does not negate its impact
The Bateman Mercury is one of the oldest surviving Greek replicas. It is a roman re-production of the Greek god Hermes
The Mercury shows off his masculine credentials in a few ways. His winged helmet indicates a certain amount of combat readiness. He shows a strong body in the defined muscles of his shoulders, chest, stomach and legs. He is nude, one of the ways men like to show off their masculinity, being nude in the presence of other men to show off their physical size (this manifests today in the locker rooms at gym, however briefly they may be nude). This masculinity is juxtaposed onto a very feminine pose, with his left arm to his lower back and his right arm supposedly leaning on a column. However this effeminacy may be a result of us not seeing his arms, as they have been broken off, and the fact we do not know what else was around the Mercury statue in roman times. In my personal opinion I like to think of his missing arm holding a football, or doing something physical.
The Bateman Mercury is a great show of the Romans filling their cities with sculptures of masculine men as gods. It was part of their warrior culture, to conquest new lands they needed strong men to fight. They also needed men of strong character to work in the markets, men of intellect to design new buildings and help solve Rome’s ever present housing shortage. The same could be said of Europe in the early 20th century. Before the Second World War, much of Europe, like Rome before it, was busy controlling its colonies. This colonialism required young men to join the military and fight for the interests of its homeland. Whether they agreed with colonialism or not, many artists of the time helped re-enforce the romantic vision of soldiers going to war. Many went back to the Greek and roman form of nude males fighting to help show this masculine ideal. One of the most famous was Auguste Rodin, who showed males almost exclusively in the nude, but one of his students would create a sculpture that would truly show off a celebration of masculinity.
Antoine Bourdelle first started working for Rodin in 1893. Their work together on The Gates, Rodin’s sculpture of a great door
Masculinity may be an ideal, but like all ideals many fall short. Luckily masculinity comes built in with its very own yardstick to compare. The Bateman Mercury is not a guy to mess with to be sure, but I think if most guys had to get into a physical altercation (for many the best test of physical strength) they would prefer to take Mercury to Herkales. In the strength of character department, while Mercury looks like he would fight for what he believes in, utilizing his physical and emotional strength, herkales shows that in the act, proving without a shadow of a doubt he will fight for what he believes in, be it food, freedom or women, he will fight for those things which does show him to be more of a man than mercury.
Masculinity is an ideal to be held to. We all fall short many times, but art does a good job of reminding us what that ideal is. It can be as simple as a United States Marine Corps recruitment add, or a sculpture of herkales firing his bow, or even mercury leaning on a column, it all helps to build in a man’s mind that he must be held to a standard higher than he holds himself. Modern society may try to rid the world of masculinity and violence, but it is those things that help men learn their place, and work to improve their lot in life. Without the masculine drive, and without the push for strength in every area of their lives, men would become women and the fragile balance that holds our sexes together would crumble.